Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
