wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
