well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Barsexuality is the new black.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
