I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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