At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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