We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
