i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am one with the molecules
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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