everyone is single if you try hard enough
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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