some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
