I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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