Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
