I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
