Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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