I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
