You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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