Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
