why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
