Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
