we're blogging at a bar
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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