Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
