I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
