Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is my gift to your gina
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
