I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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