There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she pinky promised me she was 18
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
do nipples grow back?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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