We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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