my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
