dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
