I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
