On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
