someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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