the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
