we have pet lesbian snakes
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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