On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
