you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
