i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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