im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
