Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
