i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
