On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
