Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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