Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
