Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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