I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
