what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize