John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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