But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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