So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
