She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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