The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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