Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
