You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
