it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
