I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
