I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
