woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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