they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
