first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
