can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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