if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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