She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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