let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
