Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
