We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
