he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
