Your mouth is God's brothel.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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