Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
