I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
