ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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