Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I smell like Dick and happiness
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