Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
