I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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