My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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