He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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