Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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