i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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