Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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