Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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