yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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